[Folkmore IC Inbox][un: hythlodaeus]

[modestpurpose]

hythlodaeus

This is Hythlodaeus! It looks like you missed me, so leave me a message.

Comments

[scienceofthearcane]

I don't think I'm going anywhere. Mostly I think I just wanted to be able to talk through my thoughts without someone becoming further upset by it when I did.

[modestpurpose]

Ah, I understand.

Go ahead. I'm listening. Or reading, as the case may be.

[scienceofthearcane]

I've never had a violent nature before but I will admit to feeling a sort of detached calm when I am using violence now. I can't tell where my mind ends and the Void's influence begins on this. I think that the hex core is now so attuned to me personally that while it's consuming parts of me, it is using the organic material of anyone that is close to it. It already consumed my research assistant, Sky Young, but the worst part of that was it used her organic material to finish rebuilding my leg.

[modestpurpose]

Interesting...
The creation magic used by my people operates on a similar concept, so I think I understand.

As for the effect it's having on your mind... my recommendation would be to stop using the power it's giving you. I'm sure you're already aware of that.

[scienceofthearcane]

Yes I have thought of that. However without using it, there is next to nothing that I can do to have any effect on the Trial-made hazards. This becomes problematic when there is someone else who is being hurt by them, and the only means I have of helping them is by using the power that it grants me. It's a matter of Damned if I do and Damned if I don't.

[modestpurpose]

I don't know about that.
To me it seems more as if you are certainly damned if you do, but you can make the choice to not.

Would they want you to damn yourself to help them?

[scienceofthearcane]

Possibly they would not. But it's more a matter of whether I would be able to live with that on my conscience.

[modestpurpose]

Have you talked about this with anyone else but me?

[scienceofthearcane]

...No. It would upset others, but I thought it wouldn't upset you.

[modestpurpose]

Viktor, you should tell them.

[scienceofthearcane]

What could I tell them? That I feel afraid of what the Void is doing to me? What good would knowing that I feel afraid of what is happening to me do? I don't know how to stop it, and even if I stopped using what power the process is granting me I will still eventually be consumed anyway.

[modestpurpose]

Let me put it another way.

If Jayce were the one going through this, would you want to know?

[scienceofthearcane]

All else being equal, yes I would. But something you have to understand is that Jayce has been protective to the point of smothering. I worry that if I do tell him what I feel when I see the Void's hold over my mind and body increasing, it will cause him needless levels of stress. I would much rather he have as little stress as possible.

[modestpurpose]

Ah, I see.
In that case, you can trust me to keep the matter to myself. However, if you feel yourself slipping further, I urge you to tell someone about it. Even if that someone is me. I will do what I can.