I don't think we need to waste time with all that...
[It is tempting. To be wooed properly, with all the things that implies, it does have a certain appeal... But Hythlodaeus sees where this is going and as his heart races his impatience will absolutely not be denied—
He looks down as Emet-Selch moves his hand, his expression briefly clouding with disappointment. Then he smiles again, as he so often does. His fingers squeeze around the other man's arm.]
I think, in this matter, we have both been kept waiting for more than long enough. [Haven't they? He prays he has not misunderstood. His eyes are bright and intense and he's closer to Emet-Selch than he remembers getting. He doesn't remember moving.]
I should be very interested to see these tricks of yours. I may have one or two of my own to offer in turn.
[Emet-Selch notices too, how Hythlodaeus seems to have leant himself forward across the table, how his eyes appear both intent and almost starved. Expectant.]
[While he isn't keen on displaying his affection in public, he does chance to reach over and tuck a wayward wisp of his friend's hair back behind one ear.]
So it's to be a game of show-and-tell, is it? Sounds promising.
Perhaps I should also mention, in case you fear I've forgotten, that I have every intention of saying my piece. Tonight. It wouldn't do to ruin a perfectly good meal, even if the wait may prove to be excruciating.
[He pouts slightly as he settles back and simmers down again. Hythlodaeus can feel his heart racing with an anticipation that he can't quite put a name to, but he's sure that Emet-Selch is going to make him wait.
Admittedly, he could jump the proverbial gun. He could, but he has no wish to steal his friend's spotlight. So, patience it is. Patience, while the shell of his ear tingles where the other man had touched it and he has to resist the urge to play with his hair.]
But with so fine a view I cannot be too vexed.
[Back to the flirtatious teasing, then.]
You do know how to choose a very complimentary ensemble.
Then think of it as a surprise instead. You've always liked those, have you not?
[The words are more gentle than one of Emet-Selch's rebuffs would normally be, as if such pouting even deserves a considered reply. He knows Hythlodaeus is playing things up a bit, even as he knows (or at least hopes) there's some truth to his friend's impatience.]
[...And yet another sigh soon follows, his brow creases between his eyes. Emet-Selch could swear Hythlodaeus is doing this as a form of playful retaliation. He gauges his response for a moment as their drinks are brought to the table, silent until they are once again alone.]
And you are as lovely as a wisteria branch blooming in the springtime. You do know how to appeal to one's ego. ...if only I were a vain man.
[A pause and then:]
It makes you wonder, doesn't it? What would happen if our people dressed however they wished, inventing their own fashions, expressing their uniqueness.
For as much as we've always embraced conformity and accord, treating one another as brethren, equal in every way... we have ever been individuals, with that truth written upon our very souls.
[A soft, breathy 'hah' escapes him at the compliment. Very apt, there is no doubt about that, but he cannot recall a time when Hades has ever complimented him so blatantly. It prompts that giddy racing of his heart again as he looks across the table at the man and one of his hands curls loosely around the cool glass now set in front of him.]
It does make me wonder...
[The conformity and equality of their Etheirys was so entirely a social norm that to question it was almost unthinkable. Even Hythlodaeus himself, for all his quirks and eccentricities, had never veered too far away from what was expected of him in terms of appearance.
But he nods thoughtfully, tapping his fingers against the side of his glass.]
I wonder, were we not so convinced of the superiority of our social harmony, would things have gone differently for us. [No need to say what he's really thinking. The strength of the Sundered lay in their differences, as much as their own people were made weaker by their stubborn conformity.
His thoughts drift for a moment, then he laughs quietly and shakes his head.]
I, for one, have rather enjoyed wearing colours other than black while out in public.
[There it is again. That breathlessness he's witnessed some few times before. Enticing to chase after it, to see what Hythlodaeus will do should he continue, and yet...]
[Emet-Selch watches him over his glass, and then raises it by the stem, his response firm and not so easily swayed.]
I, for one, am still convinced.
You see, people long for the familiar. If they are presented with something too far outside of their beliefs, too different from what they know - they will reject it. Or worse, come to fear it.
I've seen wars begin over less.
[He takes a long, considering sip before setting the glass back down upon the table.]
That doesn't, however, mean that every puzzle can be solved in exactly the same way. Nor that expressing oneself with more than words alone is something to be denied.
After all, Etheirys herself has granted us a world full of color and diversity, one which even we hoped to expand - not by creating more of the same, but by growing our understanding of what is possible.
[He listens to Hades speaking, enthralled, watching the movement of his mouth and the amber-glow of his eyes while he speaks. Hythlodaeus can still feel that breathlessness that the other man noticed. It clenches at his chest and makes him need to take a pause before he says anything in return, though his dear friend seems inclined to giving him a small lecture.
Endearing. He smiles indulgently and reaches a hand over the table to take Emet-Selch's free one in his, rolling the pad of his thumb slowly over the knuckles.
He witnessed first-hand how people will flee from the unfamiliar when it challenges them too deeply. The fate of their Star had once balanced on such a knife edge.]
You're quite right, of course.
[His friend is wise, and it does him no harm to occasionally acknowledge that fact.]
We found expression in our creations and creativity. In our boundless love for our world. [Hythlodaeus pauses. He smiles again.] You always cared so much. I have always liked that about you.
[Emet-Selch's brow creases at that. 'Tis one thing to agree with or at least indulge his views, and quite another to cage him in with compliments. He has never accepted such words easily, preferring to ignore or deflect the praise of others instead. And this particular angle - to suggest that he is one overflowing with goodwill, with sentimentality - yes, it's a rather difficult one to swallow.]
[His mouth twitches into a frown, memory and sentiment, and the dull ache of old wounds warring with one another for an unspoken moment.]
I'm not certain I like where you're headed with this, but I can assure you that I have only ever "cared" as much as my duty required. Anything more was to my own detriment.
...
[He doesn't retract his hand this time, however. Instead, Emet-Selch lets out a low sigh of defeat and threads his fingers through Hythlodaeus's.]
...as we both well know. I once raged against the very thought that I would someday reanimate our home to sate my own whims, to fill the void of loss. And yet, every detail that was described to us that day came to pass precisely as foretold.
A megalomaniacal madman indeed.
And yet I ask myself: how could I have done anything less?
[Oh, it's such a terrible and transparent lie, but Hythlodaeus allows it. Hades always cared and cared deeply, underneath that prickly personality of his, and hadn't his closest friends always known it? Hythlodaeus certainly wouldn't have stuck himself so closely to someone who only cared within the boundaries of duty. He had always seen more in the other man.
As their fingers are laced together he smiles and squeezes Emet-Selch's hand. He remembers how furious he had been at the very idea that he might do something so dramatically sentimental, and that he might become the kind of man that their interesting new friend had described, and yet...]
How can anyone conceive of grieving for so long? No small wonder that such an act seemed ridiculous to you back then. [Hythlodaeus places his free hand over their joined ones.] Any of us might have done the same. I am sure that I would have, had I even a drop of your talent under the same circumstances.
[Then he shakes his head. It must have been a sight to behold, and for a stray thought to have produced a near-sapient version of himself from such yearning... It is enough to make him smile once more.]
And I think... you did realise that, even if only a little. That it was the truth. I could hardly have made you come around otherwise.
[A light snort follows. Emet-Selch remembers it well: commanding the Warrior of Light to never bother him again and storming out into the sunshine in something akin to righteous rage. He hadn't been left alone with it for long. Hythlodaeus had immediately come sprinting after him with an urgency he had never before witnessed from his friend.]
"Made me". [He echoes, making his skepticism perfectly plain.]
I allowed you to convince me. Whether I believed the tale or no makes no difference. What mattered was - bizarre as it sounded - a possibility existed that doom could befall not only our star but our people. It was my responsibility to investigate such claims further. To ignore them would have been a failure on my part.
[He frowns, head tilting to one side as he takes in that smile. Wondering just what it is that has Hythlodaeus feeling so...soft.]
You would have built an underwater city and populated it with phantoms...? You would have orchestrated your own final stand, to bet everything on victory, and ensure that - in the unlikely event of failure - your defeat, at least, would be by your own terms?
"Grief" until that time was a concept most could but speculate on. We did not know the weight of despair that accompanies losing everything, of having one's very existence changed before their eyes.
Yes, the actions of that man as he was described were ridiculous to me; insulting and out-of-character. Yet the part that infuriated me the most was that he lived through all of that, with the hopes of his entire civilization resting upon his shoulders - and then he lost.
[He listens, quiet and taking in every word, almost hanging off each one. The challenge is a valid one - would he have done what Emet-Selch had done had their positions been reversed? Could he have weathered the eons in the same way that the other man had; would he even have made it to the other side with his full sanity intact? It's hard to say what Hythlodaeus would have turned into had he remained alive and unsundered, but one thing is certain...]
I know well enough how it is to lose everything. [He says softly. His gaze wavers as though he might like to drop his eyes down, but he doesn't.] Not as you do, and I wouldn't claim it so, but...
[Hythlodaeus shakes his head. His smile fades a little.]
I will not pretend that I understand what all that time was like for you. I spent twelve eons drifting in a dream before my mind sharpened once again; I didn't have to go through what you did. I did not have to carry that weight. I cannot say that I could have without buckling under it.
[Gently, he tugs the other man's hand up and towards him. Gently, he presses a kiss to the backs of Hades' fingers.]
The you of back then didn't understand how he could have lost. Even I found it to be entirely dubious. [But he understands now, doesn't he. Hythlodaeus had heard it from the man's own mouth. In the end everything that had happened was what was supposed to and there was little arguing against it now.
The corner of his mouth quirks up.]
And while I cannot say I would have done it all... going out on my own terms? I think I could have managed that, at least. I'm not entirely useless.
[Emet-Selch says nothing. After all, what can be said? Much had been lost, yet rather than an emptiness, a void, their absense had ever felt like a palpable weight, one impossible to ignore. Instead, he considers what Hythlodaeus says next, his voice a low murmur.]
I see. So that is what befell those souls who gave themselves to Lord Zodiark. I do hope said dream was kinder than the reality of our situation. Or at the very least mostly inoffensive.
[Emet-Selch watches him, and the way that even now his friend appears to be trying to ease his burdens rather than apply a salve to his own. Hythlodaeus's touch is warm, his skin tingling beneath the softness of his lips in a way he hasn't felt in centuries, unashamed and unquiet. His eyes glint briefly, a kaleidoscope of color just waiting to be read.]
You always say that. [He chides quietly.] Even after all this time, I am left to wonder who it is that you feel you must convince?
I have never once found you useless, not entirely nor otherwise.
His idle protestations as to his usefulness - or lack thereof - have never held any water with his closest friends. They allow him the indulgence, he expects, but none of them actually consider him to be useless in any respect.]
I know. I know, Hades.
[He shakes his head. Why he would say it was easy enough to explain. Against his friends he was nothing special in terms of ability or intelligence and his self-appointed role as a supporting character in their lives made it easier to simply fade into the background of their various accomplishments.
Still with the other man's hand held loosely in his he leans his cheek against Emet-Selch' fingers, humming softly in thought.]
Perhaps I'm only convincing myself. You certainly never put any stock in it.
[While Emet-Selch will allow him the display of affection, it is some seconds into it, whilst Hythlodaeus is still humming to himself, that Emet-Selch loosens his hold just enough to prod his cheek with his index finger. A calculated admonishment.]
No, I don't.
And I should like to think that I have known you for long enough to have a sound opinion.
[He watches him carefully, eyes narrowing, but not in anger or frustration. In fact, he thinks his suggestion a perfectly reasonable one.]
Though, if you will forgive me for saying so, if you're still trying to convince yourself even now, perhaps it was about time you tried another method entirely.
[He reacts to the prod to his cheek, perhaps comically, with a little 'eh' as his attention slides towards it and he tilts his head so he can peer momentarily at the offending digit. Still with them clasped around the other man's, he lowers his hands to the table and keeps his eyes on them for a few beats.
It's strange. His protestations regarding his level of usefulness were almost always waved aside if not outright denied by his friends despite his persistence in stating them. It was almost like a little joke between them all, barely permitted due to Hythlodaeus' preference for a supporting role, but none of them would ever repeat the same things back to him.
That they were... allowing it had of course crossed his mind, though he had never really thought too hard about it before.]
Oh, there's nothing to forgive. [He shakes his head, patting Emet-Selch's hand before he moves to let him go.] But what other methods did you have in mind?
[Ah-ah-ah! The moment Hythlodaeus moves to release his hand, he'll find that Emet-Selch has made a play to capture one of his again, his fingers prepared to slide around the back of his palm and hold it there if need be.]
A demonstration of how useful you can be, perhaps? After all, if you see it with your own eyes, you will have little room to doubt.
"Seeing is believing" as they say.
[Emet-Selch lowers his voice until it is only just audible above the din.]
[What can he do but allow his hand to be captured once again, and without complaint at that. Still, he'll take the shivering sensation of those fingertips sliding around his palm regardless as he makes a playful feint as if to pull himself away that is clearly not intended to be followed through on.
He's looking at the man intensely again, as if he's hungry for every word coming out of his mouth. They had been apart for too long, he thinks... far, far too long.]
A demonstration..?
[His head tilts, lips curving in a small smile. Just what was his dear Hades planning?]
[Oh, don't be like that you insufferable tease! And after he's made an effort to hold your hand in public. Fortunately for Emet-Selch, he's managed to hook his fingers around the flat of his palm. Escape is still possible, but 'tis clear he isn't planning to release him just yet. Rather than let go, Emet-Selch's arm instead gets tugged further across the table, his shoulder dipping forward as he meets his friend's gaze.]
Need you ask? Absolutely nothing less than what you already want to do.
[It isn't so much a question as it is a statement, each word delivered with care. Emet-Selch looks as if he's about to continue when a timid "ahem" sounds from behind him, and with it, the arrival of their respective meals.]
[For his part, Emet-Selch appears a bit put-out by the interruption, but he at last returns to a more upright position, his attention drifting elsewhere, even as a wrinkle of vexation forms between his eyebrows. Perhaps he's more impatient than he'd prefer to believe.]
We will, of course, also touch upon this topic later. Along with everything else.
[By the Star, but do ignore the way that his face seems like it's burning again. How is it that this man keeps tripping him up again and again even with all the years they have known one another..? Even with all the years that he could have anticipated this, even if circumstances continually conspired to keep them from making the next step.
He would have liked Emet-Selch to continue, but the quiet sound of the server with their meals clearing their throat has him straightening up and almost tugging his hand free before he once again thinks better of it.
Along with everything else. How such a simple phrase can make every inch of his skin tingle.]
We should enjoy our meals, then. [He smiles, waiting for the server to leave before adding;] It sounds like we're going to need the energy.
[Emet-Selch makes a sweeping motion with his free hand to indicate the two plates, one adorned with a delectable-looking vegetable quiche, and the other a tangy eggplant pasta. A small basket of bread has been set to one side with both melted butter and seasoned olive oil for dipping.]
I don't believe we ever clarified which dish belonged to whom. Choose whichever you like, as long as I won't be hearing about it later.
[Of course, this will all require two hands rather than one, and at last Emet-Selch prompts:]
[So maybe it's a little reluctant, the way he finally takes his hand back, but he slips his fingers free and looks over the two dishes for a moment before decisively selecting the quiche. He picks up some bread to go along with it and settles comfortably into his seat.
Then he pauses, for a long moment, his fork in his hand and his attention apparently elsewhere. His gaze flickers and he lets out a soft breath through his nose.]
This is so nice. [Just spending time together, regardless of the why.] And entirely too long in coming.
[He pauses to take a bite of food, chewing it thoughtfully.]
At the risk of irritating you with my sentimentality... I'm glad you're here. I missed you.
[Emet-Selch doesn't appear to mind the decision. He slides the other plate towards himself, twirling the noodles around his fork in a practiced (if somewhat idle) sort of way. It's when Hythlodaeus lets out another breath that Emet-Selch glances across the table at him to see precisely why he sighed.]
[He's quiet a moment, considering.]
I won't begrudge you your sentimentality. That my presence remains a novelty to you is favorable, after all...
Indeed, compared to you I find it all too easy to dismiss the little things - present company nonwithstanding, that is. I would therefore urge you to cherish every moment.
['Tis the sort of thing he used to say once upon a time, to their mutual friend.]
Though I suppose it's worth noting that I have come by several important truths during the course of mine own journey. One of which being that I have existed without you once - and I would not do so again.
[Cherishing every moment is not something he has to be told to do twice. They had had precious little time together, watching the end of the final act playing out across so grand a stage, before they had both moved on together. Hythlodaeus would be lying if he said he had not the smallest amount of regret for not having needled him to stay a bit longer.
It could have been fun.
He's in the middle of a bite, listening to the other man speak and letting the sound of his voice roll over him, when he goes ahead and says that. It's just as well that Hythlodaeus had managed to swallow his mouthful because the way his breath catches in his throat would have surely had him choking.]
You-... [There is a single, slightly mortifying realisation in that moment. Though Hades has caught him by surprise several times already he has not said anything yet that has hit Hythlodaeus so squarely in the chest as this. He blinks rapidly then sets his fork down, pushing the heel of his hand lightly against the corner of his eye and giving a shaky laugh.] You have no idea what it does to me when you say things like that, do you?
[Or maybe he does. Hythlodaeus shakes his head.]
In all the time I spent in that strange dream... I still somehow noted your absence. I wondered, at times... if you knew how you might find me, but then I thought, no, if you knew, you would have come. [He picks his fork up again. Gives a small sniff as he pulls himself together.] But you should know, my dear Hades, that if you want me then I am yours. As I ever was.
[Not precisely as planned. It takes a moment for him to realize that it isn't the food or a sudden case of indigestion that has Hythlodaeus falling silent, it's that his friend seems dangerously close to openly weeping.]
[And this the very least of what he could say. The dish has rather lost its flavor, Emet-Selch brushing the plate and silverware to one side so that he might lean over the table, his brows knit.]
[How strange it is...this feeling. How long since he last spoke with utter authenticity. Not the truth, for truth's sake, but putting his own thoughts and emotions to words.]
If you would perhaps be willing to describe it in excruciating detail, then I might be provided some inkling.
[He says. His expression appears complicated, a brief moment of brevity - a hopeful quirk of his lips, before his expression turns serious once more. Emet-Selch folds his hands together on the table in front of him, shoulders squared as he shakes his head - Hythlodaeus may wish to withhold the fork a moment longer.]
The time you spent within Lord Zodiark, you mean? Aye, I knew where I might find you. What I did not know was what state I might find you in, nor what would occur should I attempt to retrieve you, nor whether you would come, having already made your decision.
Nay. My efforts were instead devoted entirely to the Rejoining, that you and everyone else might find some semblance of home to return to; as was our promise. Needless to say, we never dreamed that such a reunion would be so long in coming - not in the beginning at least.
[Another pause, and then.]
Hardly the most romantic of admissions, I confess. A paltry offering for your candor. Yet you should know that I do want you. As ever I did.
[The fork goes down again. A little more slowly this time, carefully placed against the edge of the quiche and its accompaniments. Hythlodaeus moves out of his chair, though it's only to shift himself (and the chair) closer to the other man's side of the table.
Once there he takes hold of Hades' hand and lifts it to his lips to gently kiss it.]
And I should be very cross with you for taking this long to finally come out with it.
[Should be. By the Star, he should be! How long had he spent wanting to have him like this? They could have been— The things they could have had. It's infuriating. Hades is infuriating.
He's utterly infuriating, and Hythlodaeus utterly adores him, through and through.]
Just kiss me, would you? Before I start to cry and embarrass us both.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-04-11 06:16 pm (UTC)[It is tempting. To be wooed properly, with all the things that implies, it does have a certain appeal... But Hythlodaeus sees where this is going and as his heart races his impatience will absolutely not be denied—
He looks down as Emet-Selch moves his hand, his expression briefly clouding with disappointment. Then he smiles again, as he so often does. His fingers squeeze around the other man's arm.]
I think, in this matter, we have both been kept waiting for more than long enough. [Haven't they? He prays he has not misunderstood. His eyes are bright and intense and he's closer to Emet-Selch than he remembers getting. He doesn't remember moving.]
I should be very interested to see these tricks of yours. I may have one or two of my own to offer in turn.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-11 06:51 pm (UTC)[Emet-Selch notices too, how Hythlodaeus seems to have leant himself forward across the table, how his eyes appear both intent and almost starved. Expectant.]
[While he isn't keen on displaying his affection in public, he does chance to reach over and tuck a wayward wisp of his friend's hair back behind one ear.]
So it's to be a game of show-and-tell, is it? Sounds promising.
Perhaps I should also mention, in case you fear I've forgotten, that I have every intention of saying my piece. Tonight. It wouldn't do to ruin a perfectly good meal, even if the wait may prove to be excruciating.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-12 02:27 pm (UTC)[He pouts slightly as he settles back and simmers down again. Hythlodaeus can feel his heart racing with an anticipation that he can't quite put a name to, but he's sure that Emet-Selch is going to make him wait.
Admittedly, he could jump the proverbial gun. He could, but he has no wish to steal his friend's spotlight. So, patience it is. Patience, while the shell of his ear tingles where the other man had touched it and he has to resist the urge to play with his hair.]
But with so fine a view I cannot be too vexed.
[Back to the flirtatious teasing, then.]
You do know how to choose a very complimentary ensemble.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-22 05:01 pm (UTC)[The words are more gentle than one of Emet-Selch's rebuffs would normally be, as if such pouting even deserves a considered reply. He knows Hythlodaeus is playing things up a bit, even as he knows (or at least hopes) there's some truth to his friend's impatience.]
[...And yet another sigh soon follows, his brow creases between his eyes. Emet-Selch could swear Hythlodaeus is doing this as a form of playful retaliation. He gauges his response for a moment as their drinks are brought to the table, silent until they are once again alone.]
And you are as lovely as a wisteria branch blooming in the springtime.
You do know how to appeal to one's ego. ...if only I were a vain man.
[A pause and then:]
It makes you wonder, doesn't it? What would happen if our people dressed however they wished, inventing their own fashions, expressing their uniqueness.
For as much as we've always embraced conformity and accord, treating one another as brethren, equal in every way... we have ever been individuals, with that truth written upon our very souls.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-22 06:06 pm (UTC)It does make me wonder...
[The conformity and equality of their Etheirys was so entirely a social norm that to question it was almost unthinkable. Even Hythlodaeus himself, for all his quirks and eccentricities, had never veered too far away from what was expected of him in terms of appearance.
But he nods thoughtfully, tapping his fingers against the side of his glass.]
I wonder, were we not so convinced of the superiority of our social harmony, would things have gone differently for us. [No need to say what he's really thinking. The strength of the Sundered lay in their differences, as much as their own people were made weaker by their stubborn conformity.
His thoughts drift for a moment, then he laughs quietly and shakes his head.]
I, for one, have rather enjoyed wearing colours other than black while out in public.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-29 06:54 pm (UTC)[Emet-Selch watches him over his glass, and then raises it by the stem, his response firm and not so easily swayed.]
I, for one, am still convinced.
You see, people long for the familiar. If they are presented with something too far outside of their beliefs, too different from what they know - they will reject it. Or worse, come to fear it.
I've seen wars begin over less.
[He takes a long, considering sip before setting the glass back down upon the table.]
That doesn't, however, mean that every puzzle can be solved in exactly the same way. Nor that expressing oneself with more than words alone is something to be denied.
After all, Etheirys herself has granted us a world full of color and diversity, one which even we hoped to expand - not by creating more of the same, but by growing our understanding of what is possible.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-29 11:36 pm (UTC)Endearing. He smiles indulgently and reaches a hand over the table to take Emet-Selch's free one in his, rolling the pad of his thumb slowly over the knuckles.
He witnessed first-hand how people will flee from the unfamiliar when it challenges them too deeply. The fate of their Star had once balanced on such a knife edge.]
You're quite right, of course.
[His friend is wise, and it does him no harm to occasionally acknowledge that fact.]
We found expression in our creations and creativity. In our boundless love for our world. [Hythlodaeus pauses. He smiles again.] You always cared so much. I have always liked that about you.
no subject
Date: 2024-04-30 02:46 pm (UTC)[His mouth twitches into a frown, memory and sentiment, and the dull ache of old wounds warring with one another for an unspoken moment.]
I'm not certain I like where you're headed with this, but I can assure you that I have only ever "cared" as much as my duty required. Anything more was to my own detriment.
...
[He doesn't retract his hand this time, however. Instead, Emet-Selch lets out a low sigh of defeat and threads his fingers through Hythlodaeus's.]
...as we both well know. I once raged against the very thought that I would someday reanimate our home to sate my own whims, to fill the void of loss. And yet, every detail that was described to us that day came to pass precisely as foretold.
A megalomaniacal madman indeed.
And yet I ask myself: how could I have done anything less?
no subject
Date: 2024-05-03 01:19 am (UTC)As their fingers are laced together he smiles and squeezes Emet-Selch's hand. He remembers how furious he had been at the very idea that he might do something so dramatically sentimental, and that he might become the kind of man that their interesting new friend had described, and yet...]
How can anyone conceive of grieving for so long? No small wonder that such an act seemed ridiculous to you back then. [Hythlodaeus places his free hand over their joined ones.] Any of us might have done the same. I am sure that I would have, had I even a drop of your talent under the same circumstances.
[Then he shakes his head. It must have been a sight to behold, and for a stray thought to have produced a near-sapient version of himself from such yearning... It is enough to make him smile once more.]
And I think... you did realise that, even if only a little. That it was the truth. I could hardly have made you come around otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2024-05-03 04:17 pm (UTC)"Made me". [He echoes, making his skepticism perfectly plain.]
I allowed you to convince me. Whether I believed the tale or no makes no difference. What mattered was - bizarre as it sounded - a possibility existed that doom could befall not only our star but our people. It was my responsibility to investigate such claims further. To ignore them would have been a failure on my part.
[He frowns, head tilting to one side as he takes in that smile. Wondering just what it is that has Hythlodaeus feeling so...soft.]
You would have built an underwater city and populated it with phantoms...? You would have orchestrated your own final stand, to bet everything on victory, and ensure that - in the unlikely event of failure - your defeat, at least, would be by your own terms?
"Grief" until that time was a concept most could but speculate on. We did not know the weight of despair that accompanies losing everything, of having one's very existence changed before their eyes.
Yes, the actions of that man as he was described were ridiculous to me; insulting and out-of-character. Yet the part that infuriated me the most was that he lived through all of that, with the hopes of his entire civilization resting upon his shoulders - and then he lost.
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Date: 2024-05-03 07:07 pm (UTC)I know well enough how it is to lose everything. [He says softly. His gaze wavers as though he might like to drop his eyes down, but he doesn't.] Not as you do, and I wouldn't claim it so, but...
[Hythlodaeus shakes his head. His smile fades a little.]
I will not pretend that I understand what all that time was like for you. I spent twelve eons drifting in a dream before my mind sharpened once again; I didn't have to go through what you did. I did not have to carry that weight. I cannot say that I could have without buckling under it.
[Gently, he tugs the other man's hand up and towards him. Gently, he presses a kiss to the backs of Hades' fingers.]
The you of back then didn't understand how he could have lost. Even I found it to be entirely dubious. [But he understands now, doesn't he. Hythlodaeus had heard it from the man's own mouth. In the end everything that had happened was what was supposed to and there was little arguing against it now.
The corner of his mouth quirks up.]
And while I cannot say I would have done it all... going out on my own terms? I think I could have managed that, at least. I'm not entirely useless.
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Date: 2024-05-04 05:03 am (UTC)[Emet-Selch says nothing. After all, what can be said? Much had been lost, yet rather than an emptiness, a void, their absense had ever felt like a palpable weight, one impossible to ignore. Instead, he considers what Hythlodaeus says next, his voice a low murmur.]
I see. So that is what befell those souls who gave themselves to Lord Zodiark. I do hope said dream was kinder than the reality of our situation. Or at the very least mostly inoffensive.
[Emet-Selch watches him, and the way that even now his friend appears to be trying to ease his burdens rather than apply a salve to his own. Hythlodaeus's touch is warm, his skin tingling beneath the softness of his lips in a way he hasn't felt in centuries, unashamed and unquiet. His eyes glint briefly, a kaleidoscope of color just waiting to be read.]
You always say that. [He chides quietly.] Even after all this time, I am left to wonder who it is that you feel you must convince?
I have never once found you useless, not entirely nor otherwise.
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Date: 2024-05-05 09:53 pm (UTC)[Yes, well.
His idle protestations as to his usefulness - or lack thereof - have never held any water with his closest friends. They allow him the indulgence, he expects, but none of them actually consider him to be useless in any respect.]
I know. I know, Hades.
[He shakes his head. Why he would say it was easy enough to explain. Against his friends he was nothing special in terms of ability or intelligence and his self-appointed role as a supporting character in their lives made it easier to simply fade into the background of their various accomplishments.
Still with the other man's hand held loosely in his he leans his cheek against Emet-Selch' fingers, humming softly in thought.]
Perhaps I'm only convincing myself. You certainly never put any stock in it.
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Date: 2024-05-06 03:58 pm (UTC)No, I don't.
And I should like to think that I have known you for long enough to have a sound opinion.
[He watches him carefully, eyes narrowing, but not in anger or frustration. In fact, he thinks his suggestion a perfectly reasonable one.]
Though, if you will forgive me for saying so, if you're still trying to convince yourself even now, perhaps it was about time you tried another method entirely.
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Date: 2024-05-09 02:47 am (UTC)It's strange. His protestations regarding his level of usefulness were almost always waved aside if not outright denied by his friends despite his persistence in stating them. It was almost like a little joke between them all, barely permitted due to Hythlodaeus' preference for a supporting role, but none of them would ever repeat the same things back to him.
That they were... allowing it had of course crossed his mind, though he had never really thought too hard about it before.]
Oh, there's nothing to forgive. [He shakes his head, patting Emet-Selch's hand before he moves to let him go.] But what other methods did you have in mind?
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Date: 2024-05-09 03:49 pm (UTC)A demonstration of how useful you can be, perhaps? After all, if you see it with your own eyes, you will have little room to doubt.
"Seeing is believing" as they say.
[Emet-Selch lowers his voice until it is only just audible above the din.]
Allow me to put your gift to its proper purpose.
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Date: 2024-05-09 11:23 pm (UTC)He's looking at the man intensely again, as if he's hungry for every word coming out of his mouth. They had been apart for too long, he thinks... far, far too long.]
A demonstration..?
[His head tilts, lips curving in a small smile. Just what was his dear Hades planning?]
Just what would you have me do..?
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Date: 2024-05-13 02:46 pm (UTC)Need you ask? Absolutely nothing less than what you already want to do.
[It isn't so much a question as it is a statement, each word delivered with care. Emet-Selch looks as if he's about to continue when a timid "ahem" sounds from behind him, and with it, the arrival of their respective meals.]
[For his part, Emet-Selch appears a bit put-out by the interruption, but he at last returns to a more upright position, his attention drifting elsewhere, even as a wrinkle of vexation forms between his eyebrows. Perhaps he's more impatient than he'd prefer to believe.]
We will, of course, also touch upon this topic later. Along with everything else.
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Date: 2024-05-13 10:48 pm (UTC)[By the Star, but do ignore the way that his face seems like it's burning again. How is it that this man keeps tripping him up again and again even with all the years they have known one another..? Even with all the years that he could have anticipated this, even if circumstances continually conspired to keep them from making the next step.
He would have liked Emet-Selch to continue, but the quiet sound of the server with their meals clearing their throat has him straightening up and almost tugging his hand free before he once again thinks better of it.
Along with everything else. How such a simple phrase can make every inch of his skin tingle.]
We should enjoy our meals, then. [He smiles, waiting for the server to leave before adding;] It sounds like we're going to need the energy.
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Date: 2024-05-13 11:44 pm (UTC)[Emet-Selch makes a sweeping motion with his free hand to indicate the two plates, one adorned with a delectable-looking vegetable quiche, and the other a tangy eggplant pasta. A small basket of bread has been set to one side with both melted butter and seasoned olive oil for dipping.]
I don't believe we ever clarified which dish belonged to whom. Choose whichever you like, as long as I won't be hearing about it later.
[Of course, this will all require two hands rather than one, and at last Emet-Selch prompts:]
After you. They won't be any good cold.
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Date: 2024-05-13 11:59 pm (UTC)Then he pauses, for a long moment, his fork in his hand and his attention apparently elsewhere. His gaze flickers and he lets out a soft breath through his nose.]
This is so nice. [Just spending time together, regardless of the why.] And entirely too long in coming.
[He pauses to take a bite of food, chewing it thoughtfully.]
At the risk of irritating you with my sentimentality... I'm glad you're here. I missed you.
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Date: 2024-05-14 04:10 pm (UTC)[He's quiet a moment, considering.]
I won't begrudge you your sentimentality. That my presence remains a novelty to you is favorable, after all...
Indeed, compared to you I find it all too easy to dismiss the little things - present company nonwithstanding, that is. I would therefore urge you to cherish every moment.
['Tis the sort of thing he used to say once upon a time, to their mutual friend.]
Though I suppose it's worth noting that I have come by several important truths during the course of mine own journey. One of which being that I have existed without you once - and I would not do so again.
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Date: 2024-05-14 07:33 pm (UTC)It could have been fun.
He's in the middle of a bite, listening to the other man speak and letting the sound of his voice roll over him, when he goes ahead and says that. It's just as well that Hythlodaeus had managed to swallow his mouthful because the way his breath catches in his throat would have surely had him choking.]
You-... [There is a single, slightly mortifying realisation in that moment. Though Hades has caught him by surprise several times already he has not said anything yet that has hit Hythlodaeus so squarely in the chest as this. He blinks rapidly then sets his fork down, pushing the heel of his hand lightly against the corner of his eye and giving a shaky laugh.] You have no idea what it does to me when you say things like that, do you?
[Or maybe he does. Hythlodaeus shakes his head.]
In all the time I spent in that strange dream... I still somehow noted your absence. I wondered, at times... if you knew how you might find me, but then I thought, no, if you knew, you would have come. [He picks his fork up again. Gives a small sniff as he pulls himself together.] But you should know, my dear Hades, that if you want me then I am yours. As I ever was.
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Date: 2024-05-15 01:17 am (UTC)[And this the very least of what he could say. The dish has rather lost its flavor, Emet-Selch brushing the plate and silverware to one side so that he might lean over the table, his brows knit.]
[How strange it is...this feeling. How long since he last spoke with utter authenticity. Not the truth, for truth's sake, but putting his own thoughts and emotions to words.]
If you would perhaps be willing to describe it in excruciating detail, then I might be provided some inkling.
[He says. His expression appears complicated, a brief moment of brevity - a hopeful quirk of his lips, before his expression turns serious once more. Emet-Selch folds his hands together on the table in front of him, shoulders squared as he shakes his head - Hythlodaeus may wish to withhold the fork a moment longer.]
The time you spent within Lord Zodiark, you mean? Aye, I knew where I might find you. What I did not know was what state I might find you in, nor what would occur should I attempt to retrieve you, nor whether you would come, having already made your decision.
Nay. My efforts were instead devoted entirely to the Rejoining, that you and everyone else might find some semblance of home to return to; as was our promise. Needless to say, we never dreamed that such a reunion would be so long in coming - not in the beginning at least.
[Another pause, and then.]
Hardly the most romantic of admissions, I confess. A paltry offering for your candor. Yet you should know that I do want you. As ever I did.
...As never I said.
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Date: 2024-05-15 10:25 pm (UTC)[The fork goes down again. A little more slowly this time, carefully placed against the edge of the quiche and its accompaniments. Hythlodaeus moves out of his chair, though it's only to shift himself (and the chair) closer to the other man's side of the table.
Once there he takes hold of Hades' hand and lifts it to his lips to gently kiss it.]
And I should be very cross with you for taking this long to finally come out with it.
[Should be. By the Star, he should be! How long had he spent wanting to have him like this? They could have been— The things they could have had. It's infuriating. Hades is infuriating.
He's utterly infuriating, and Hythlodaeus utterly adores him, through and through.]
Just kiss me, would you? Before I start to cry and embarrass us both.
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